Arguments are a part of everyone’s life. If not with another living being, we sometimes argue with our mind riding on thoughts. Mind is most vulnerable when thoughts connect with worry and go limitless. Relationships are easy to begin with and even easier to manage provided you have the right tools and a usage manual for those tools. Lets see how it begins, transforms and ends.
There is an amazing combination that I recognized a few days ago which is words and voice. An amazing lyrical with a birdish mellifluous voice can lift the spirits of a dying man and reignite the spark of resurrection. Similarly, a cunning incisive voice fused with sharp words that unflinchingly pierce through a heart, can ensure life meets a T-bone.
Do we say everything we think and do we mean everything we say? The journey of a conversation turning into argument and landing up as a confrontation needs attention especially in these times. It’s simpler than we think. Lets understand this in stage wise manner and then feed you one of the best practical ways to emerge a winner with an amazing version of handling the conflict.
PROBLEM
Two humans irrespective of their gender coming in contact is nothing more than a social experiment in the laboratory of life. Like every other reaction this one also requires optimum temperature, chemical concentration, catalyst. Chemical and social reactions must be balanced. In presence of all components at the right time, it’s an amazing social experiment. But there is a dark side to it, which is more significant, compared to when the experiment goes smooth.
Let the terminology fall into the place where we want it to, with the reaction going wrong being the ‘confrontation’ and components missing action being increased emotions, callous assumptions with a dash of ego’.
When the reaction loses equilibrium due to one or more components missing their action, it pushes emotions and vulnerability to soaring heights and by virtue of that, brain ossifies leading up to many misdirected, uncontrolled sub reactions propagating under the very reaction.
Most importantly, the social experiment often explodes with arguments and anger teaming up and confronting the ossified brain. The mind freezes and turns into a deserted one-way street with nothing but mayhem and chaos in sight. Every time it seems like the end is here, right? Pounding hearts, lateral shaking heads, uneasy pauses to gather incidents and evidence to support the claims are common instances.
Even for the not very creative individuals, this volatile side of the social experiment incites innovation and the choice of words is often surprisingly hideous & incomprehensible. Most of the words although justifiably claim their respective place in the dictionary, in this moment lands on the eardrums as mere sounds with all the noise and no sense.
SOLUTION
Now we know the aggression and its repercussions. Experiment gone wrong, components messing up, brain freeze, meaningful words turn into sounds and the laboratory called Life converted into a war zone. It’s not just aerobics where you can feel your heat pounding the door of your chest; this mess of an experiment can make you feel that too.
This whole situation is reversible but the scars remain and chasm seems to widen. Lets look at ways to snap the mind out of this possessed state. My life lesson has been that you can definitely say the words and you don’t mean them but there is no way you can write words and you don’t mean them. Read this again, generate thoughts, try to combat it and finally you shall submit to it. Be it home or office, arguments in writing are often swift, logical, sincere and mindful rather than verbal scuffle aimed at turning the obscene into palatable.
Do try this at home. It’s actually amazing. The next argument you have and I am sure it’s just around the corner, indulge in written mode than in the verbal. Vent out all you can to get your point across but write it. During the process, feel the number of changes you make to get the sentence and its message right. The backspace in the keyboard becomes your catalyst, the responsible choice of words become your temperature control and owning every word you say makes the concentration of chemicals just perfect.
Well! We might just have revived our ever so failing social experiment by just switching the mode from an asinine, turbulent and poignant verbal fight to a logical, sensitive and confined expression of your pain. As they say,” It's all in the mind” which includes not just thoughts but also the over reach these thoughts can have. Imagine seamless thinking, traveling beyond boundaries and creating scenarios in your mind. If you were to pen down your thoughts, you will end up with just a drop instead of the whole ocean of worries you had imagined. Writing down your thoughts is a great filter to keep unwanted, out of shape evaluations out of the scope. It works in an extraordinary way with the kids. Once they want something so badly and they resort to tantrums and are extremely adamant about it, if you just want them to write a few lines about why they want it so badly, pooof!!! The balloon deflates there and then. It’s a horizon where highflying whims meet grounded reality.
I would recommend you to take this experiment on a family or societal level. When you witness an argument (verbal mode) Pl. observe & focus on the choice of words and haphazardness of the gathering and holding on to topics, digging old issues, reverting to dilapidated events. In a repeat or reoccurrence of the argument, this time in (written mode), the choice of words will go meaningful, limited but effective, expression too limited but unambiguous. It’s all about the leash that has to stay on even when there are thunders of anger bulldozing the effectivity of a mind. It’s about inculcating resilience in dealing with anger and to conduct the social experiment within the confinement of being civil, focused and respectful to each other.
Yogesh Misra
